A year ago, I wouldn’t have ever imagined my life to look like this. Everything has changed. All of my plans and dreams seem to be thrown into the scrap pile. If I was an author, my writing papers would be scrunched up and thrown into the waste paper basket! Ever felt like that?

I have just had a rough few months. However, I had big plans for this year. Big Jesus plans. Big and exciting adventures planned!

I never planned to loose my mum. It’s only been 3 months and the sting of grief is still there. But, Because I have decided to focus on Jesus this year….I still ultimately felt full of hope. Hope that even though I’m walking through another massive loss in my life- that this year could still hold some beauty.

And yes….of course, there is still hope. But today….it is the smallest trace of hope. 😆

This year, Will and I dreamed of many things. But things aren’t going to plan.

My plans were neat and tidy… I was comfortable with them 😂😉🤗

First of all, my plans never included the Coronavirus exploding throughout the world. Then again, I bet that wasn’t in your plans either! 🤔😄

Everyone in the world is freaking out about it. I’m adequately concerned, but balanced with enough faith that ultimately if I die…. Heaven awaits. But….You know, doing my best to stay home and alive if possible.

What has hit me harder than fear of catching this terrible illness, is the social isolation. The grief of not seeing my loved ones. Of staying the required distance apart. No hugging.

The grief of running into the people I love at the shops…and seeing the fear on their faces that I might be carrying “the plague” and fear I may come too close. I get it. Maybe I look at others that way too?

I feel the saddness of having to tell my kids to not hug anyone if we see someone we know while we are out! And now….the added grief of not even being able to Go Out!

There are many posts of Facebook about “doing the right thing” and self isolation. But I haven’t seen many posts about how hard it is to be isolated. I’m not talking about boredom or toliet paper memes. I’m talking…. “my life feels like it is spinning out of control and I need a hug…or a coffee date but I am forbidden to do so for an undefined period of time!” Is there a meme for that??? 😉

I wanted another baby this year, but it’s not as simple now because if the risk of coronavirus.

We wanted to go away later this year, but that’s fairly bleak looking right now.

And then my baby needed an MRI. Today, actually.

You see, my little 1 year old has been having strange eye issues. One eye has started to roll backwards, get ‘stuck’ briefly in place and sometimes twitches for a split second. It ends almost as quick as it happens. But our whole household sees it. No parent wants to see their child’s eyes roll or do weird things.

I think that it will be ok. Maybe a weird lazy eye thing? But regardless….my baby had a brain scan today. We have no idea of what’s going on in her body. Her eye ‘episodes’ happen at least 10-15 times a day now. But if you think of how quickly a twitch or second passes, when most people see her- you would never guess how big this feels to us.

But thankfully, zero other concerning issues. She is still our happy little cutie pie. Our “Havey Bear” (Haven) ❤❤❤❤❤.

Isn’t she so precious!!!!!

So my Hope’s and Dreams feel like they are “Cancelled”. My vision for this year seems a little blurry right now.

No mum. No socialising. No idea what’s causing Haven’s eyes to act strange. No baby making 🤣😆 (feels sadder than it sounds)

Today I feel like this. It’s not pretty.
Although, this woman has a great figure- so….I’m not really sure why she looks so sad????🤔😄😉

For now, this is the view of my heart and life. It is the tapestry being woven into the story of my life. And I wouldn’t have chosen my year to look like this. Especially 2020; which has such a good ring to it!! Hehe

But I am not the author of my life. God is.

And while all of my world feels overwhelming right now, this is not the final chapter of my life. There will be sorrow, and there will be joy. And none of these things will change the plans God has for my life. And If you are feeling overwhelmed right now, your current circumstances don’t change God’s plan for your life either. Just saying 😘

Love always kelly xx

Fingerprints of God.

Romans 1:19-20. “In reality, the truth of God is known instinctively, for God has embedded this knowledge inside every human heart. Opposition to truth cannot be excused on the basis of ignorance, because from the creation of the world, the invisible qualities of God’s nature has been made visible, such as his eternal power and transcendence. He has made his wonderful attributes easily perceived, for seeing the visible makes us understand the invisible. So then, this leaves everyone without excuse.”
Psalm 66:4 “All the earth will bow down to worship; all the earth will sing your glories forever!”

I can see God in many things. I love Romans 1:19-20. How God has put the knowledge of him in every human heart. Even those who have never heard about God or Jesus, can see God’s qualities in visible ways.

It sounds ridicuolous. But I can see the heart behind this verse. God’s “invisible qualities” are visible in so many ways.

Can you see?

I see it in creation. I see God in nature, his creation reflects who He is. There is such beauty and creativity in His handiwork. It is not a result of a big bang. It is the result of a Master Artist, our Heavenly Father.

Have you ever looked at the stars in the sky, and felt your spirit move within you?

Have you ever felt peace, during a time when your world was full of chaos? Jesus is the prince of peace.

Have you felt comfort, when your heart could explode from grief?

If your reading this, I pray that God will bless you and open your eyes to see God’s fingerprints all around you.

Even if you have never thought about God before- I can tell you that He has been thinking about you since the beginning of time. He loves you.

And for those of you who already know Jesus. I pray that you will be refreshed with a joy thast overflows today. I pray that God will remind you of all the ways He has faithfully been involved in every area of your life. I pray that you will be more aware of God’s fingerprints in your life. I pray that you will invite him into every area of your life. Your work. Family. Finances. Health. Future. Hopes and dreams…

I pray that we all see the small mercies of God. That we notice the things that point towards our Saviour.

I pray that each parent who has ever held their newborn baby would see God in their precious baby. How can such a precious gift be anything other than the work of an incredible God?

And I pray that in this season of craziness and fear with the Corona virus- that we will all seek God. May God do miraculous things in our hearts during this time of fear and uncertainty.

I saw this and laughed. We need humour at all times!

May God fill you with a hope and peace that cannot be moved. May we praise God, even in the storm.

I love you, Jesus. Your praise will always be on my lips.💜💜💜

Love always kelly xx

Grace like a floatie.

God’s grace is like a floatie!

My darling daughter, Brielle is 4 years old. This year she was very excited to start swimming lessons, along with her other sisters.

But it has been very hard for me as a mum! I was so tempted to quit, as I have to juggle my 2 youngest girls during swimming lessons each wednesday. While Brielle is in her lesson, I must be there with her to help her not to drown! 😂 The challenge is- I’m also holding my 1 year old daughter Haven…while keeping her from also drowning! 🤔😂

I laugh, but it’s stressful for me. And while all the other parents are blissfully enjoying the joys of watching their kids swimming: I am debating in my head if I’ll survive the 30 minute lesson on my own!

Then a miracle occurred. One of the swimming teachers brought Brielle a beautiful floatie! One of the $50 ones that in like a mini top, with chest and arm floaties. It is brilliant! She feels like she can swim. She paddles around in the deep water, and doesn’t sink or drown!!!

This is a massive blessing! Now while I’m helping Haven during her swimming lesson, I know that Brielle is safe. (While still keeping a close eye on her and watching she’s ok.) And Brielle LOVES the feeling of being able to be an independent swimmer. 🤣😂😆

The sad part is that after Haven’s lesson is finished, it is Brielle’s lesson. Off must come the precious floatie! Brielle is devastated each time. Suddenly, she cannot swim or float at all. Suddenly, Brielle needs to do the work herself. Without the floatie, everything seems hard. Without the floatie, some things are impossible for her to do.

This is when it hit me! God’s grace is like a floatie. God’s strength and joy and grace allow us to do impossible things!

Sometimes, we forget that God’s grace enables us to do things we cannot do in our own strength. We briefly think it is us or our own giftings that allow us to do what we want. But we need to remember that God’s grace is a gift, and something we must give Him glory for!

On the positive side: We can do all things through Christ who gives us strength! God’s grace is sufficient for us! Imagine what God can do in our lives, when we ask Him for the grace to do it!! Isn’t that amazing????

Thank you God that you are good! Thank you that your amazing grace enables us to do impossible things!

So, let’s always remember that God’s grace is like a floatie! We can swim in life’s ocean with God’s empowering grace! Let’s remember that it is God who helps us to achieve so many of the things in our lives.

Praying this morning that you will experience the joy that Brielle feels when she’s swimming in her floatie! May God fill you with joy and laughter as you see the things He helps you do or cope with each day. ❤❤❤❤

Love always kelly xx

Fill me with joy.

My heart is overflowing with possibilities: “What will God do in my heart this year?”

This year, everything in me declares to God: “Lord, I just need more of you!!!”

This year, I started thinking that 2020 would be marked by the grief of loosing my mum. But, I’m now choosing to cling to God and I’m asking Him to comfort me.

My prayer is that He will fill my heart with His peace. The kind of peace that “surpasses all understanding”.

The Bible also mentions the “joy of the Lord”…so I’m asking God to give me joy that overflows. It doesn’t mean I won’t be grieving or missing my beautiful mum. But that I have realised that in this time, I need Jesus even more than ever.

I miss my mum. I miss my dad.

If it wasn’t for God, I would feel like an adult orphan right now. 😂😣🤔 I’m 31, but deep down I’m still a little girl who misses her parents….

This is when I turn to my “Heavenly Father”. My only hope. The lifter of my head. My comfort and strength.

So despite everything happening in my world, my heart is bursting with faith.

It has been so beautiful, seeing the way God has been encouraging my heart. I definately needed encouraging!

I love how God encourages my heart in simple, yet personal ways!

Can you remember any intimate moments where God has done something or said something that caused your heart to melt?

Has something happened in your life that you knew had to be a God thing? A moment that was so personal to you, but made you love Him even more?

I had one of those moments last night. My heart has been hungry for revival stories and biographies of people of faith. I have always loved biographies!

I was talking with my friends Katy and Daniel, about pioneers of the Christian faith. Suddenly, they showed me many of their books on “generals of the faith” for me to borrow.

It sounds simple, but my heart was filled with awe at the goodness of God!!!! I didn’t know that Katy and Daniel had books like that, so I didn’t even think to ask to borrow them. So when they generously lent me them to read, it was a powerful and encouraging reminder that God cares about the small details of my life.

He loves me enough to provide the books my spirit craves. It cost me nothing, yet will bless me abundantly.

These books are about men and women who loved Jesus without limits, and they will show me what life can look like when you seek God with all of your heart.

So today I am praying that you will notice the ways that God encourages your heart.

I pray that you will see how much God cares about His personal relationship with you.

He loves us all in a unique way. How incredible is that!!!!

Dear God, please show each of us how you are speaking to us.

No other religion or god in this world can offer a personal relationship with their Saviour!!!!!

“Lord, you are beyond comparison or comprehension! There is none like You! Lord, Set a fire down in my heart. Please be the treasure that I seek. When I’m struggling and tempted to go my own way- please remind me that your presence is the prize worth fighting for. Remind me that you are God. You are good. There are none beside you. You are worthy of all praise. Thank you for the melody of the Holy Spirit. Thank you that you cause us to “go out in joy and be led forth in peace”. Thank you that you give us joy as our strength and faith as a shield.”

I love you, Jesus. Love always, Kelly xx

Taking risks and being humble enough to fail.

This year, my heart is ready to step out in faith again. There are dreams and ideas whirling around my head. Mostly, I think they are “God ideas”: or they could be “good ideas” or at worst- “terrible ideas”!! 😂🤣😄

The first dream that has resurfaced within my heart is to become a foster mum, or foster carer. I’ve had this desire in me well before we had our own children, and it’s been something I’ve asked Will to consider for the past 10 years. 😆

This year, it has made me feel restless. A determination to step out in faith. We aren’t a perfect family, but we do desire that all children have a safe home and a loving family.

Then the doubts harass me: “How Will you cope, when you already have your hands full?”

“How will you cope when sometimes it is challenging to parent our own children?”

“What if it’s a mistake? What if you crash and burn? What if you bite of more than you can chew?”

Ask me any questions on this topic, and I’ve probably already thought of it.

But what if…..

What if we can provide a child with a loving home? What if we can help create a few beautiful memories with them?

What if God is prompting us to do this, and we say no because of fear of the unknown?

What if…God wants us to pray for the kids that spent time in our home? What if we are the only Christian family they will meet?

What if…our girls learn what it’s like to care about the needs of others? What if it ignites a passion to welcome children into their homes one day, and they aren’t afraid to be carers either?

And if we aren’t in the right season? If I’m wrong, and God isn’t calling us to foster? Then we learn to be humble and admit: “We heard wrong” or “the timing wasn’t right.”

Here’s the thing: I can deal with failures and mistakes. Although they sting and are embarrassing at times. However, when I look back on my life I don’t want to regret “never stepping out in faith” or being too afraid to try. Disappointment and regrets are harder to swallow than mistakes.

What do you think? Have you ever had an idea that terrified you and also burned within your heart?

This week we sent an “expression of interest” to the NT foster care agency. We prayed: “God, if it’s not meant to be please shut this door” and “Lord, bless this application if you want us to be carers.”

The other dream or idea is even crazier! But yet, it is like a seed in my heart that feels like it’s growing rapidly.

We want to Homeschool our girls. At this point, we intend to commit to one year. Starting next year: 2021. But we are open to starting this year, too.

Now, if we get crazy glances from people when we mention foster care (because we have our hands full already); I can imagine the looks of people when you read about homeschooling!!!!😂😂😂😂😄

That’s ok. I feel doubtful at times, too.

It feels the same as how I feel about fostering. Exciting and terrifying.

Trust me, I see my own weaknesses fairly clearly. Yet, it is not my weaknesses that define me. I want to live a life of faith. Of taking risks and trying new things. Of being willing to “give it a go”. Even if it doesn’t work out for our family, then I will be able to say “At least I tried”.

And maybe it is something God is leading us into? Maybe it isn’t a God idea, but a value I have on raising my kids? Or in the very least: a good intention.

I know that I cannot do everything, especially in my own abilities. But I have a Saviour called Jesus who does say that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. That’s where the impossible, suddenly becomes possible. The weak becomes strong.

Who knows what will become of these hopes and dreams? Only God knows our future. All I know is that our future is in God’s hands. Whatever that may look like. As for me and my house, We will serve the Lord.

Yesterday we made memories.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. It was Saturday and we wanted to have some family time.

In the morning, 2 of our girls had their swimming lessons. My other 2 girls have their swimming lessons on Wednesday.

We ate lunch at home. Then bribed each of our girls with .20 cents if they napped for us! 😂😊 best investment we could make. Haha

Then we heard that there was water in the claypans!!!!! “Let’s go, husband!!” I almost begged Will.

We packed towels and spare clothes for our family of 6.

It was beautiful.

The scenery. The muddy water was perfect temperature and perfect depth to just splash and enjoy it.

I didn’t even have to stress about baby Haven, it was so shallow she could play anywhere she liked.

I even got in this muddy water. We only live once- so why not!!!

We stayed at the clay pans for an hour or 2. And our friend Paula also joined us, with 2 of her children. Friends and family times are the best kind of days!

We ended our family day full of dirt, wet clothes and a full load of washing to be done. But it was worth It!

Because yesterday we made memories!

Love always Kelly xx

Which one will you choose?

What a gift we each get, with a life to call our own. We fill it with a lot of things, and hopefully create a home.❤❤

We live and learn and make mistakes, and grow along the way. How good it is to start again- with the beginning of each day?

We’ve all had those times when we’ve messed up, and wanted to hide our face. But the beauty in our brokenness is that we all have needed grace.

We each share this in common: the desire for forgiveness, mercy and love. That’s the sneaky thing about Jesus, that desire comes from up above.

I think that God has placed these feelings in the depths of our very soul; The need to love and be loved in return- to be forgiven and made whole.

We all are born as sinners, but God knew what must be done… He knew that we’d need forgiveness and so He sent His only Son.

Jesus gave up his life to fix what was once broken. When He was nailed on the cross His final words were spoken:

“Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do”… These words were so important and they were spoken for me and you.”

And with eternity waiting, there’s so much at stake to loose: There’s only two paths to take- Which one will you choose??

Love always Kelly xx