I didn’t really realise that there is a process to dying. I know it sounds strange, but I was only expecting a physical process of watching my mum get sicker. However, there seems to also be a process of preparing for death that is about getting your ‘affairs in order’.
This process isn’t fun. Mum is still alive and so brave. Yet, each day we have to prepare for her death. Literally- there are so many things to do.
Today, we at the housing trust. Finding out what happens after mum passes away. How long do we have to clean her house and return the keys? My mum has lived in her rental home for over 20 years. It is hard to imagine it not being “mum’s house”. We need power of attorney forms done to authorise this process.
Then we have centerlink appointments. Funeral arrangements. I need bank account details, bill direct debit dates and amounts needed to pay. I need to cancel so many things too. This process of dying isn’t fun or pleasant.
We need to make a will and get it signed by a JP. Yet, my mum feels sick and exhausted. She wants to enjoy each day, but there is still much to do!
Even this morning, we had to go to the doctors again. Get another scan. A week ago, mum got a litre of fluid drained from her right lung. Today, the scan revealed that her lung has refilled with fluid from the cancer. So, tomorrow we may have to prepare mum to go through the draining procedure again.
Another procedure. More scans. More pain. The thing Is- mum is feeling tired of the painful parts that need to be done. I guess, that’s one reason mum couldn’t even try for more chemo treatment.
After the last drain, she’s suffered from a painful allergic reaction to whatever they used to clean the area on her back before they drained her lungs. So, already there is a hesitation in my mum’s heart about tomorrow. Will they cause another reaction, by mistake?
Mum and I were chatting about these things. If mum’s lungs have refilled in 7 days, will this be an ongoing thing she has to do? The right lung is 50% full of fluid. It makes her breathless and uncomfortable. I struggle to see her like this.
All these things add up. It’s so draining. It’s horrible for me, but worse for mum.
It’s also a priveledge, a special time. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I get to be part of the moments that many people can’t see.
My mum would do the same for me.
Jesus, help us face each day. Thank you that you are carrying us through this time. Day by day.
Love always Kelly xx