i know lots of people who don’t believe in God. But I think there are more people who know God exists, but think He’s not good. Our lives are full of pain at times…And the world can be a horrible place.
How can we process a heart that grieves things like murder or miscarriage? Divorce and diseases? Why do some people struggle to get pregnant, while others have multiple abortions?
I have no answers. No arguments to soothe your heart or take away such pain.
I myself have had pain. We all have. But that is not my story to tell. We can spend our whole lives trying to understand why there is such immense pain and sorrow in this earthly life. But that is not my song to sing. All I can tell you is that in my life, God is good. Through every trial and all of the pain.
This morning I was reading my journal from the past 7 weeks since mum found out that she’s got terminal cancer. Through the pages I can see the sadness and sense of loss. It is real and raw. But what shines brighter than the grief- is how God has turned our sadness into joy.
Do you know that God goes before us, to make it possible to walk through the hardest times?
Let me tell you one of my stories. Last week I got to return to my home in Alice springs. I hadn’t seen my amazing husband in about 5-6 weeks. I also hadn’t seen my 2 oldest daughter’s…who aren’t really old at all! They are only 5 years old and 7. Still so tiny and needing their mummy.
I got to be with them for 6 full days. A complete family of 6 again! My husband and I: and our 4 daughters.
Then I had to come back to Adelaide, to hold my mum’s hand as she walks through terminal cancer.
On Monday morning, I dropped two of my girls at school. Then the tears started flowing…I could feel the grief and exhaustion return from the weight of these past few weeks. I was tired. Not prepared to say goodbye to my kids again. Not prepared to see my mum get sicker.
Then I realised, God knew. God knew that Monday was going to be “one of those days”. Because I had already planned on spending Monday morning with some of the greatest friends in Alice springs. (& I have so many worthy of that title!!!) These women are the kind who will laugh with you and celebrate the great times! But they are also prayer warriors who will pray for you when you are too weak to pray for yourself.
So God had gone before me, and pre-organised that catch up…before I knew I needed it that day. Plus, these ladies are just fun to be around.
Later that day, my friend Claire text me. I told her to come around if she was free. I love Claire! She’s incredible.
When I text her, I was fine…Happy after my little girls had napped for an hour. Claire was 10 minutes away!
Then I got a text from my brother James. He wanted me to prepare to see mum in a few days. She’s getting weaker, he said. She’s lost more weight. She’s dropping things. My heart felt frozen inside my chest. The grief threatened to seize me once again.
When Claire arrived she told me that she had been praying for me and my mum that morning. She said that she felt God told her to visit me and pray for me. I told her about the text from James. I started to cry. “Claire, I’m so sad” I admitted.
Claire prayed for me. I felt such peace and comfort coming over me as she prayed. When she left, I felt so loved. So cared for.
I knew that God had gone before me that day. He knew my heart would be fragile and weak. That I couldn’t face the day alone. That I needed my friends to love me. To pray for our family. To laugh with me and cry with me. I needed hugs. I needed friendship.
I even needed my brother to warn me about mum. I needed a sibling to grieve with me.
So this is my new song to God. It is a song of loss and raw emotions and questions. It is not a perfect song. But woven into the tapestry of my heart is a song of praise. I have 10,000 reasons to be grateful to God. He has never left me. He goes before me and comforts my heart.
Have you ever felt like God has taken care of you, even if it still hurt?
Have you ever thought: “That was such good timing when..”
Have you ever thought “That was a miracle when…”
Have you ever noticed that God gave you enough courage to get through a particularly hard situation?
Maybe God has been working in your life, before you even wondered if He was even real or not?
Will you let Him comfort your heart, too?
Love always Kelly xx