Switchy switchy

Have you ever felt like you were constantly switching gears? Or have you walked through a season where you changed your normal role, for something slightly different?

I was chatting with my bestie Katt, yesterday who can relate! She’s a mum. Partner. She works and studies. She runs a household and cares for her friends! Sometimes we feel like we are switching our roles a lot! Sometimes we do it automatically…sometimes we feel pulled in a million directions!

Since September 28th, my life entered a new season. I have been living with my champion of a mum, instead of my amazing husband. I’ve been looking after mum and my 2 youngest girls. So, a taste of solo parenting…except that I’m happily married.

Maybe this is what some families do when the husband works away? It’s like switching gears. You have to learn to make decisions alone and parent as best as you can. You learn to plan your day or week without any other input, and even little choices are made alone.

But once you reunite, you have to learn to co-parent again. You have to make choices as a family again. You have to communicate what you’re thinking and discuss plans. Negotiate to include each person’s priorities Hehe It’s been such an eye opener!!!

So yesterday my husband Will laughed at me. I picked him up from the Adelaide airport, with my oldest girls. I asked Will If he wanted to use “my card” to pay for parking. “Your card?” He teased. “Like your pocket money card?” He was enjoying this moment.

“Like my money, that you get to spend? I put the money on there and you get to keep it?” “That card, you mean?” He was actually saying it in a pretty amusing and adorable way. The kind of joking that you get to do when you’ve been together so long. When you love each other, not accusing each other. Just in case you were worried 😉

I laughed. We have the same joint accounts. Our money is “our money”. But for almost 9 weeks now, the grocery money card has been “My Adelaide card”. So, my card 😉 I guess now we are back as a complete family…it will be our card again. It just takes some adjusting.

I’ve switched roles from wife and mum of 4 girls. From a Christian woman who is part of a wonderful church family in Alice springs, to a woman living back in my childhood home. It’s a mixed bag of blessings and sadness.

Who would have thought my roles would have changed so much in 8 weeks?

Yesterday was another one of those odd kind of days. Mum had to go to hospital. They are trying to relieve some of the pressure her body is fighting against. Like fluid on her lungs, legs and tummy. Then, hopefully in a few days she will return home.

I thought I’d enjoy a little rest. Especially when it was just yesterday that I reunited with my husband and kids again. Perfect timing, huh? Night with the Knott family Mob. Mum is being cared for in hospital. Winner winner chicken dinner!

Except that my heart was with mum still. Was she ok? Was she lonely? Did the nurses know her routine? Is she being woken up for repeat obs at night? Do they know she needs to rest? Is she scared that she may not return home? Are they giving her too much medicine?

A fierce protectiveness came upon me. I look after mum. I know mum. I know that each morning She wants her banana milkshake and 2 tablets. One for pain. One for appetite. I know that I have sit next to her to make sure she doesn’t drop the cup- a result of medication and weakened arm strength. I know that she likes her slippers on. She likes to get ready for the day, but then needs to nap again. I know that she likes a cup of tea, but you can’t have it too hot anymore, because if it spills…she will be burnt.

I’ve been in “training” for 8 weeks. Learnt her routine. So now, for 2-3 days it’s hard to surrender that. To trust others to fill in my role.

I’m sure many others would have already felt the same. You become a carer, and then you have to eventually stop. Or maybe you raise your children, but then have to let them begin to make wise choices on their own. It’s harder than I imagined!

Actually, a few weeks ago I was texting a dear friend Nadia, from Alice Spring. reminded me that I sensed God had been preparing me for something new. Growing my capacity in some way.

I had totally forgotten this conversation! But Nadia reminded me. I did tell her I felt like God was preparing me for something. Nadia’ s text comforted me. God had already begun to prepare me…Even though it was just a subtle sense in my spirit.

Isaiah 54:2-3 talks about “stretching your tent pegs” and lengthening your cords. I’m not sure specifically what it means…but in my heart, in this time in my life I feel like God is preparing to stretch my capacity. Maybe my capacity to empathise with others? Maybe my capacity to care for the sick or broken or grieving? Maybe something entirely different. lol

Love always Kelly xx

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